Rules of Being a Gladiator

A few months ago I was picking my daughter up from a babysitting gig she had with one of the small groups at my church.  They were running a few minutes late and invited me in.  We started talking about TV shows, and our Youth pastor told me about a show that I had never heard of; Scandal.  If you have not heard of or watched it, beware -- it is addictive.  It is about a former White House communications director who set out on her own to begin a crisis management firm ( I could have used her services last week)...meaning she is a "professional fixer", her employees refer to themselves as "Gladiators in suits".. I won't get into any more details, but if you want to catch up (season 4 is about to begin), check out Hulu!  So the show tweeted today about the 13 Rules of being a Gladiator , and Rule number 12 is  

"you can ruin a man's life or elevate him to his best.". 

Dang, that one pierced my heart.  It made me really think about what is going on in my life, and how my actions have affected my Prince.  I wasn't thinking clearly, in a moment of weakness I did something I couldn't reverse, though if I could I would go back to that moment and change it.  My intent was very immature and silly, but the effects were not.  No matter, I caused him trouble, though it was NOT my intention at all. I would never intentionally cause this man heartache or trouble.  Never ever.  I pray that deep down inside he knows this.  I feel he does...I hope he does.  If I thought it would help, I would apologize to a certain person in a heartbeat, but this person wouldn't hear it, nor care if I was sorry (at least that is what I think). I pray that he is handling things well, I hope that the damage I caused isn't long lasting, and people get over it. It shouldn't be, and they should, it was just a stupid mistake. But if he asked me to, I would in a heart beat.  Just to take the pressure off of him.  He doesn't deserve it.   I only want to elevate him to his best.  I want my Prince to be the best he can be.

I have tried to tell him, I have tried to show him how amazing he is the best I can with what resources I have available...I know he hears me, and I know he appreciates my efforts, and I like to believe he believes it too, but his self esteem hasn't been what it should be in certain areas of his life.  I won't go into details of why I believe that is.  He knows. He just needs to find a way to claim it and to let it go of negative things in his life.  I believe he has found the way, it is just pulling the trigger so to speak.  My Prince is the most incredible man I have ever known.  I pray that I get the real opportunity to help elevate him to his best. In turn I will be the best I can be for him, recent events notwithstanding.  I pray that if and when he does read my blog, that he sees that I am truly sorry for what has happened and that I in NO way intended to cause problems for him.  I feel like a broken record, but this is how I am sorting through my feelings and my emotions.  My Prince is usually the one who is there for me, and I don't know if he knows what that has meant to me and still means so much to me. I still have hope.   I am praying for you, and for us, I love you always.