As far back as I can remember, I have wanted to get married and have a family. In the past two or three years, that desire has increased, I am not sure if it is my age, God urging me, or what, but I yearn for the companionship that only a marriage can provide. Marriage is a huge responsibility not to be taken lightly. We live in a broken world, no, we live in a shattered world, full of shattered marriages, homes, families, friendships and hearts...just plain shattered. As a follower of Christ I know that the only way all these things can be mended, is through the love of Jesus Christ. I also know that I cannot help spread the news of His tremendous love unless I, myself accept it and LIVE it daily. I have accepted it, over 20 years ago. I strive to live it daily.
But let's go back to my original point, getting married. I have an innate desire to be a wife, but not simply a wife...but a Godly wife. I have a desire to have a Godly man as my husband. A man after God's heart. One who will love and care for me like Jesus loves the church. The following verse is often a "mantra" for "church-going" singles ~ it is found in Psalms 37: 4 ~ Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Does it end there? Is all I have to do is delight myself in the the Lord? Really...? That seems pretty simple, doesn't it...I think some of us would be tempted to scream "I'm delighted in you Lord...I am delighted!..now where is my mate??"
But wait just a moment...there is more to Psalms 37 than just that. I believe the key is the fulfillment of our being delighted in the Lord. The word delighted is being used as a verb here...its an action that we must take. It is our part to play. It's up to God how and when He will then grant us those desires. The Psalmist tells us what our part should look like:
Vs. 3 : Trust in the LORD and do good;
Vs. 5 : Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this;
Vs. 6: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn,the justice of your cause like the noonday sun;
Vs. 7a: Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him.
There are things we must do to be granted the desires of our hearts. We must trust in the Lord and live Godly lives, we must commit our ways to the lord and trust fully in him, we must be still before the Lord and wait patiently for his timing, otherwise we risk ending up with broken shattered lives. Some of us may have already. We must also remember that His ways are not ours, sometimes that's a tough pill to swallow, because we tend to want to do things our way.
However, I believe that there is hope: if we strive to live a pure Godly life, the closer we grow to God and spend time reading and meditating His Word - and walking in His ways, the more our desires will conform to His will for our lives. As our desires are aligned with His will - as opposed to our own worldly and sinful inclinations - the more we will see our desires fulfilled.
But it's not just what we do that matters, but also what we don't do:
Vs.1: Do not fret because of evil men; or be envious of those who do wrong;
Vs. 7b Do not fret when men succeed in their ways,when they carry out their wicked schemes;
Vs. 8 Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;do not fret — it leads only to evil.
We need to be continually be praying against our tendency to look longingly on the world's way of getting our needs met. If we desire marriage but have an idea in our mind that it's primarily about finally being sexually satisfied and never being lonely, having someone to do things for us, then we are setting ourselves for major disappointment.
There's so much misinformation floating around about what marriage really is that , that the majority of couples marry with unrealistic or warped expectations, and the hope of "lasting" instant gratification. The main purpose of marriage isn't companionship, romance, or even sex, those are the fruits and priveledges of marriage. Marriage is a divinely blessed and covenantally sealed procreative partnership. It is a covenant committment that a man and a woman make together in front of God. And the procreating has everything to do with being refined toward holiness.
With all the confusion about what marriage is for, it's possible that unanswered prayers for spouses have more to do with unrealistic expectations than God's power to supply mates... Asking God to help us find a mate is asking Him to take us from a place of single focus to one that will require selflessness. Far from being the answer to all our dreams and fantasies, marriage will be a crucible for making us more like Christ. It was set up that way from the beginning. This is what makes marriage, as God intended it to be, so worthy of our desire. God designed us for relational intimacy — when Adam didn't find a "suitable helper" among the animals, God created Eve. Marriage is a gift from His hand.
Let's face it, we have many desires, and long for physical intimacy, but just as it's unwise to give in to our every whim and desire, it's equally unhealthy to simply stuff them. Rather than asking God to remove our sex drive, our desires for instant gratification and the like, we should pray that He would show us why He's wired our body for sex. Prayerfully ask Him to help us live toward fulfilling our sexual desires in a way that honors Him and brings Him glory. Let Him refine our desires, both in the waiting and should He allow, in getting married for His glory.
